PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
