Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
