what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
