I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
