I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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