Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
