Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I supernannyed him into submission
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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