it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
