she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
