i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
