Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
