Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
