i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
