She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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