I am in a vortex of obligation.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
