Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
