So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
