Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
