From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
