We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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