Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
