his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
how drunk are you?
Several
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
