Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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