Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
