Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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