Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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