I CAN MOONWALK!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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