fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
