ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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