onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
