It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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