No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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