Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
