Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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