Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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