if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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