i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
