It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
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It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
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you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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