That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
