Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
