I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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