I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
