I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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