Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
