He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
