Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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