Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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