He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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