She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
