how can u be prego again
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
