The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
