so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
