my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
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My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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