just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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