come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
