I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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