batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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