Heybabeimwearingurpanties
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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