Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
