I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
