Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
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My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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