I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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