some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize