Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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