We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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