the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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