That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
