i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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