I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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